Rilee Arey
Bio
I am a professional life romantizer, with a heart that feels everything deeply. I am a moment collector through words and the ways around us.
Achievements (1)
Stories (207)
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"Happy for Everyone Else Meter"
I went to the last of the four "friends" weddings that were on my books this year, and in lieu of supporting everyone else's love, I think I feel more lost within myself than ever. I cop the saying about how my "Happy for Everyone else meeter, is running low". In reality, it's hard to see everyone else have a person to share a dance floor with when I am alone. I know how selfish that sounds, but trust me, I hate myself enough for the both of us regarding this, nonetheless, it remains. It is kind of funny, in a cosmic comedic kind of way, how my favorite thing in this world is weddings as a photographer and videographer, yet I stand here alone selfishly divulging in my own pitty party of feeling like I don't fit anywhere while at this friends wedding.
By Rilee Arey2 years ago in Confessions
No Plus One . Top Story - May 2024.
It's nearly one AM and I just got back from my third wedding of the four in this last month alone, and I have always been alone. I hide behind my camera to pretend to be useful, hide behind a safety net of skill set. So I do not have to confront the loneliness that is sleeping alone when everyone else seems to have a partner to crawl into bed with. I love the time spent with those who decided I was worth the 30-plus dollars per plate they decided to spend on me, and I do not need to have a partner on these occasions, but it would be nice to have someone notice, me. See when I am in the corner because they know I need time to recharge and to kiss me on the head until the time has come to leave. Maybe that's the problem about being a professional storyteller, I dream of something that isn't meant for me.
By Rilee Arey2 years ago in Confessions
uninspired
I keep waking up and feeling stuck, behind my eyes of what if I am no longer enough. Not for a person per say, but the actions that define me going about my day. I see myself, I see the list of dreams I have set, yet, I am in my head. Riding the coattails of the biggest theif of enjoyment, yet seeking that same disraction to ignore all of it. I can say I know what I want to do and where I want to be, but you see, I am my biggest enemy. Both locked behind watching a screen, but missing what I need to be learning. Instead, I am avoiding, toying with what I would buy with the money I don't have, being distracted by my time instead of it adding value. The screen, the knowledge, the dedication, the pressure of it being my occupation, should motivate me right? But instead I sit here and I fight with myself, denying, even, lying to myself on what would help. I am destroying my confidence by affirming my actions, of not doing anything at all. No longer extrodinary, not even oridnany, not a doer, but a follower. Someone full of wants with no direction, a complainer lost in disillusion. I am untterly stuck behind the lack of motivation and or determination to be the expectations I thought I could be. I want someone who knows what I am about to believe in me, but in reality, that person needs to be me. But here I am writing and rambling, over the uninspired poem I had to scratch out of my dislocated mind. I dont deserve anyones pity, because this illogic is considered blind. But here I am, uninspired, venting untill maybe I can feel the fire of desire to be better than I was today, but like I said, I am really good at what I say.
By Rilee Arey2 years ago in Poets
