Harper Lewis
Bio
I'm a subversive weirdo nerd witch who loves rocks. Intrusive rhyme bothers me. Some of my fiction may have provoked divorce proceedings in another state.đ
My words are mine. Suggest ai use and get eviscerated.
MA English literature, CofC
Achievements (12)
Stories (219)
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Dinner
Whiskey tango foxtrot. Would you look at the seating chart my brother just handed me? It was a nightmare worthy of Phobetor and Phantasos. I swatted him with it then told him he could seat the ladies. That should fix his little red chariot but good. âAnd tell Aphrodite to dress for dinner. I wonât have her at my table in cut offs and a tube top.â I noticed Hermes glancing at the chart. âAny table.â If thereâs a loophole, heâll find it. If there isnât, heâll make one.
By Harper Lewis2 months ago in Fiction
Tam-Oh-Shanât-Her. Content Warning.
This is an example for my dirty limerick contest. Iâm not kidding about keeping it dirty. Nothing cutesy playing at being dirtyâif youâre a clean, Polly pure type, this isnât for you, and you might get hurt feelings in here. Youâve been warned, so proceed with filthy caution.
By Harper Lewis2 months ago in Poets
My Little Chickadee
Itâs probably no surprise that I absolutely adore Mae West, author of some of the best one-liners ever penned or spoken on this earth. I learned about My Little Chickadee in undergrad, when I was in the English department chatting with Cowboy Mike, our lit-to-film guru, and he told me sbout it, told me that Mae West and W.C. Fields wrote their own dialogue for this 84-minute gem. But thatâs not strictly true: they wrote the entire screenplay, not just their own dialogue.
By Harper Lewis2 months ago in Critique
The Blood of Eve VIII. Content Warning.
I donât like the basement. I try not to go down there, but sometimes I have to. Itâs where you have to go when youâve been bad, even if nobody knows. I prop the door open when I go down there, and I put a brick in tbe doorjamb, too. Iâm not getting trapped in a spooky basement with that big bleeding Jesus heart. Uh-uh, not me.
By Harper Lewis2 months ago in Horror
Nine Souls for a Bloody Mary. Content Warning.
If you think back to the autumn into winter challenges, you may remember that I found the villanelle challenge psychologically abusive and you may have accepted a free pass to my insanity show in one of these pieces. (Fuck you, Vocal, for that villanelle of regret challenge. I hope it was as torturous for the team to read them as it was for me, as it's only fair to reap what you sow. (Parentheses intentionally left open. Did it again.
By Harper Lewis2 months ago in Writers
How, Too. Top Story - January 2026.
Many people wonder how, too. You are not alone, and I am an expert. I will teach you how, too! First, you need to remit a small application fee and fill out an application describing the nature of your financial situation and how often payments will be made, as this will have great bearing on how well I teach you how, too.
By Harper Lewis3 months ago in Fiction
Fear of a Black Hat. Content Warning.
Fear of a Black Hat, a Rusty Cundieff film, is one of my all-time favorite movies when I need to laugh. Weâre talking Kentucky-Fried Movie territory. You want the uncut version, otherwise you donât get the Ice Froggy Frog video (below) at the beginning or the discussion about artistic integrity in Cleveland. I own the cut version (đ„)âcouldnât find the uncut version at that time, no extra money for it right now, but you arenât me, so buy the uncut version.
By Harper Lewis3 months ago in Critique
Persephone's Porch. Winner in Mismatch Challenge.
"Circe, for Chrissakes, put Cerberus on his leash to keep him off the porch. I don't need him dragging three sets of drooling jowls across it when the nymphs just cleaned." Persephone pulled her blonde hair back and tied it in a loose knot to keep it off her face. "I can't believe Hermes is bringing the whole famdamnily."
By Harper Lewis3 months ago in Fiction
