Anxiety

Why?

Why am I always anxious?

Why is there always that little voice in my head?

Telling me something's gonna go wrong.

And it's somehow my fault.

Why?

Why are you here?

This thing I can't see?

Somehow, there's another me saying I’m wrong.

The biggest bully I've ever had is in the back of my own head.

Why?

Why do you do this?

No matter what mood I wake up in.

As soon as I see you in the mirror, everything has fallen apart before I even get to brush my teeth.

Because the me in the mirror decided that before the sun even started to rise, today is a bad day.

I didn't get a say in that…

Why?

Why don’t you like me?…

Aren't you me, or at least a part of me?

No, not a part… a clone. A clone that every time I see you, my entire existence says no.

Because without you, I know I could do so much more… but you're always there.

There in the background, telling me to fear what's ahead.

Why?

Why can’t you just leave me alone?

Give me one day, that's all I ask.

One day to breathe.

A moment to think without overthinking.

A second to get my piece of mind and for once feel like it’s not falling apart.

To not see that monster every time I turn a corner too fast, … or see a door that's usually closed finally open, but feel it's open just a little too much.

Why?

Why can’t we get along like we used to?

When you would only show up for a few seconds to make sure it was safe.

Then back away, letting me enjoy that moment….

Instead of taking the moment away from me out of fear of things going wrong.

Why?

Why has my anxiety gone from being a friend that was always there to giving me that final push forward after deciding it was time to ease your grip…

to the monster I'm always running from.

….. Why is my anxiety like this?