When Do You Allow Someone to See the Real You?

You’re probably thinking, “I am always my true self with everyone.” Are you really? I mean, we all put up a facade when we meet someone. Say you are feeling lousy and you run into an acquaintance who asks how you are doing. Most of us automatically say that we’re fine, even when we’re not.

It’s hard to say to someone, “I’ve had better days.” Or, “Honestly, I’m not doing all that well today.”

Because when you tell someone that basically, not everything is rainbows and daisies in your life, they will politely expect you to elaborate, even if they aren’t in the mood to hear all about your troubles.

Still, there needs to be a point where you can let your guard down and reveal your true self, warts and all. Maybe you aren’t about to dump a whole lot of dirty laundry on their plate, but this ‘always happy and cheerful’ facade has to stop, because no one is perpetually in a great mood each and every day.

And if you want to keep this person in your circle, they have to be privy to the cycles of your life: The bad days at work, the wonderful accomplishments and deep disappointments. Because everyone goes through a range of emotions depending on the day and what is happening at that moment.

How Do You Reveal Your True Self To Someone?

Dr. Randy Kamen says that if you let people into your life and allow your true personality to come out, you will develop a deeper connection.

He goes on to say, “The leap of faith to reveal our true selves may initially take courage, but with practice it gets easier and becomes more compelling.”

Yes, you show vulnerability, but it is worth it if this is someone you can trust. But, Dr. Kamen adds, “This doesn’t mean that you need to reveal you deepest, darkest secrets. Maybe practice being with feelings that are difficult to handle and getting curious about these emotions instead of just responding or avoiding.”

Also remember, you don’t immediately get close to someone just because you share personal information. It takes time to develop trust.

How to Figure Out Who You Really Are

I found this Reddit thread interesting. Most who commented had the same feeling. They were so busy trying to be who they thought everyone wanted them to be, they lost sight of themselves.

One Redditor suggested finding your own passions and interests regardless of how other people reacted.

I agree. I remember when I as in my 20’s, one of my friends dated an avid scuba diver. I never saw her as someone who was drawn to the water, but there she was donning the equipment and getting certified. Turned out she hated it. And was only participating to get closer to him. Surprise, the relationship didn’t work out.

I have to admit I was guilty of that as well. I had a friend group that loved to get together on Sunday afternoons during football season and watch the game. I can’t stand football, but I convinced myself that I liked it.

I think I lasted a season, and when games started again the next year, I made excuses. But why make excuses? If someone asked me today if I wanted to go to a football game, I would say simply, “No thanks, I hate that game.”

Say you’re dating someone and you fake passion for something that they love. Once you are married, will you finally ’fess up that you really don’t like spending weekends at horse races or whatever?

I would tell him/her upfront so they know who they are marrying. And then you make a commitment based on your authentic self, warts and all!